December 17, 2010

"I can't figure out how to make myself work today."

Teacher: "Ladies, let's get back to work."
Students: "But she is crying."

Merry Christmas. No school until 2011.

December 16, 2010

"I am so tired. I stayed up all night being nervous about what role I got in the school play."

December 15, 2010

Student: "You drive a 1995 Chevy truck? Is it paid off?"
Teacher: "Yea, it's a '95, that is older than you are."

December 14, 2010

"Here is a present that we bought for the family our class adopted, we don't think they will want it, it's a huge snake and they have two little girls that don't want a huge snake."

December 13, 2010

The teacher is out of town today.

December 10, 2010

Teacher: "What's wrong?"
Student: "Well. . . Nothing, I put this lip balm stuff around my eyes and it makes them water so it looks like I have been crying."

December 9, 2010

Student: "Just now I was very indolent."
Teacher: "Do you know what indolent means?"
Student: "Yea, lazy and avoiding to do work, it is exactly what I do."

December 8, 2010

"That looks wrong, I can't look at that, two Cutie oranges sitting next to a banana on your desk, uh that is disgusting."

December 7, 2010

"So I threw up on Saturday night, and I didn't know what I was going to do as my topic, so I chose to do getting sick as my topic."

December 6, 2010

"I never said what kind of egg I would use to egg your house, it might be a hard boiled egg, or maybe a frittata."

December 3, 2010

"I have no idea why I am wearing a sweatshirt that says "Master Hunter" with a picture of a big buck deer. My parents bought it for me on Black Friday."

December 2, 2010

"My notebook is probably in one of two places: in Science under a pile of a bunch of other notebooks or somewhere in my locker behind a bunch of trash."

December 1, 2010

"It is more organized than it looks."

November 30, 2010

"I have grass down my pants, in my hair, everywhere. I am itchy all over. I think I am allergic to grass."

November 29, 2010

"Do you want to know what I did over Thanksgiving break? I got a bunch of teeth pulled."

November 19, 2010

"I just found an awesome erasable pen in the hall, that is rare. Very rare."

November 18, 2010

"Look at the mouse we caught in the gym a few minutes ago, isn't it cute?"

November 17, 2010

"We are going to do Bobby Bouchet and his attack on American values for our History Day project."

November 16, 2010

"You need to clean out your locker, it smells really bad, I think you have rotten food in there. Your locker is right below mine and I can smell it."

November 15, 2010

Student:"Why are you taking off your pants? Put them back on."
Student II: "I have shorts on underneath"
Student: "I don't care, I don't want to see you taking off your pants in class, it is freaking me out."

November 12, 2010

"I cry all the time, like everyday, so crying is not that big of a deal to me, I think I have a mental breakdown everyday."

November 11, 2010

No School. Thank a Veteran.

November 10, 2010

"Can I bring in a live animal for my project, not huge, but big?"

November 9, 2010

"I know this sounds like a lame excuse, but I pulled a tendon in my elbow yesterday and I cannot write today."

November 8, 2010

Teacher: "If I barf one more time this morning, I am going to call in a sub today. Done."

November 5, 2010

Teacher: "Why were you 5 minutes late to class today?"
Student: "I was in the bathroom eating a sandwich because I know that you don't like it when people eat in your class and I was starving."

November 4, 2010

"Do you want me to draw a mustache on your face? I have a marker and I drew one on myself, do you want one?"

November 3, 2010

"I think it's funny that teachers care more about my grades than I do."

November 2, 2010

Teacher: "Why do you have a gallon of chocolate milk with you in class?"
Student: "For a fiesta"

November 1, 2010

Teacher: "Is that your notebook?"
Student: "Uh, yea, for Math...and French... and I think L.A."
teacher: "It looks like you put it through a leaf grinder."
Student: Yea, it has gotten pretty bad this past month."

October 29, 2010

"I have to stand like this because my costume affects my being."

October 28, 2010

"When I went to Disneyland all I would have for breakfast was a churro and a Coke. It was awesome."

October 27, 2010

"This peanut brittle I made in Food class looks like solidified vomit."

October 26, 2010

Student: "When are Parent/Teacher Conferences?"
Teacher: "Tonight."
Student: "Really? I thought they were Thursday"
Teacher: "Conferences are both today and Thursday."
Student:"Great, there goes my day, now I am nervous."

October 25, 2010

"The second movie was actually good, it had decent actors and special effects, except not, because it was still a Hulk movie."

October 22, 2010

Teacher: "What are you doing?"
Student: "Eating frosting"
Teacher: "In class, with your fingers?"
Student: "I have to use my fingers because my spoon is in my locker."

October 21, 2010

Student: "Can you pop my back?"
Teacher: "No, I am not going to pop your back."
Student II: "I might be able to pop your back with my foot."

October 20, 2010

Teacher: "It says on your card that one of your major goals in life is to eat a 72 oz steak, is that true?"
Student: "Yes, someday I am going to go to this restaurant in Texas and order the 72 oz steak, baked potato, and salad and eat it in an hour or less and then it will be free."
Teacher: "That is a great goal"
Student: "Thanks"

October 19, 2010

Student: "Did you cut your hair recently?"
Teacher: "No"
Student:"Did you at least wash your hair?"

October 18, 2010

Teacher: "As part of our self assessment of our performance 1st quarter, I want to know how you have grown as a student since the beginning of the school year."
Student: " I am about an inch taller, I am, I really am."

October 15, 2010

"He just stuck his pencil up my nose. It was traumatizing."

October 14, 2010

Student: "Is that a Baul Rod on that poster?"
Teacher: "A what? I have no idea what you are talking about."
Student: "You haven't seen Lord of the Rings?"
Teacher: "No, I have not, I don't get out much."
Student: "What do you mean you don't get out much, you don't have to get out at all, all you need is a T.V. and a basement."

October 13, 2010

Student: "I think someone took a pee on the floor of the locker room, smell my jersey, it is disgusting, I can't wear it."
Teacher: "Are you sure that it is not sweat and general smell from not washing it?"
Student:"No way, it is way worse than sweat, my eyes are watering."

October 12, 2010

"I don't like using an umbrella or raincoat on days like today, all you need to do is wear a rubber on your head."

October 11, 2010

"Even though today is Columbus Day, we have to go to school and most Americans have to go to work today, except the 10% of people who are unemployed in our country, they get to celebrate Columbus Day."

October 8, 2010

"One time I netted 82 grasshoppers, boiled them, fried them, seasoned them and took them to the rodeo in Wyoming and sold them five for 25 cents."

October 7, 2010

Student: "Do you mind if I take my assignment home and crinkle it up, dip it in soy sauce, let it dry and then burn the edges? It will make it look and smell old and authentic."
Teacher: "Really, won't it just smell like soy sauce?"
Student: "No, it is old and authentic soy sauce."

October 6, 2010

Student: "Do you car-camp? Your answer to this question determines whether or not I like you."
Teacher: "Whoa, that's a high pressure question."
Student: "Well, do you or not?"

October 5, 2010

Student: "I have the stuff in my locker."
Teacher: "What stuff?"
Student: "Shhh, I don't want people to hear, I have the Nutty Bars, if you want one I will sell you one."

October 4, 2010

Teacher: "I wanted to warn you, there are a few scenes in the Jamestown video clip that are fairly graphic and unpleasant."
Student: "Oh no, if I have to watch someone get drawn and quartered again I will barf, seriously, I will, and then I will have to leave."

September 29, 2010

Teacher: "Whoa, what happened? How did you hurt your ankle?"
Student: "I fell"
Teacher:"Fell off what?"
Student:"My skateboard"
Teacher: "Dang, that looks pretty bad for falling off a skateboard."
Student:"Well I fell off my skateboard, off of my roof"
Teacher: "what?"
Student: "Over the weekend I tried to ride my long board on the roof of my house."

September 28, 2010

"Isn't dysentery like diarrhea from hell? Well diarrhea is already hell but I bet dysentery is worse."

September 27, 2010

Student: "Can I move seats?"
Teacher: "Why?"
Student: "I don't want to sit by Mark, he's a pizza face and I don't want to sit there."
Teacher: "Whoa, that seems a bit harsh"
Student: "I know it's mean, I would never say it to him, I just said it to you. Can I move?"
Teacher: "No"

September 24, 2010

Student: "Oh my gosh, ugggg, gross, I gottta go to the office."
Teacher: "Whats the problem?"
Student: "My backpack is disgusting, I can't even touch it, I gotta go."
Teacher: "What happened?"
Student: "My dog got sprayed by a skunk and rolled all over my backpack, I gotta go, can't you smell it?"

September 23, 2010

Student:"You should buy more of these pens."
Teacher: "Why?"
Student""Because they are made in Mexico, and the more you buy the more it helps Mexico's economy."
Teacher:"Really?"
Student:" Yes, then people from Mexico won't want to cross the border and come to the U.S. and then get shot at."

September 22, 2010

Student: "If you don't keep bothering kids to do their homework, they won't do it and then they will be a failure and be a 30 year old living with their parents."

September 21, 2010

"What do you mean I didn't dress up? I greased my hair. I spent so long on it I almost missed my bus."

September 20, 2010

Student: "You should cut holes in the back of your football helmet for tomorrows game so you can see out the back."
Student II: " Yea, but then someone might use the Vulcan Death Grip to grab my helmet and pull me down."
Student: "True"

September 16, 2010

Teacher: "What are you doing?"
Student: "I am fixing the pencil sharpener."
Teacher: "Is it broken?"
Student: "No"

September 15, 2010

"Um, a kid and his mom or dad just drove their car down the stairs in front of the school. Should I go tell the office?"

September 14, 2010

Teacher: "There are things in life you can't change,for example, your height, eye color, you get the idea. Organization is not one of those. If you try, you can become more organized. Any questions?

Student: "Actually there is a type of surgery that makes you taller, but it is very painful, it stretches your muscles up to 6 inches."

September 13, 2010

Teacher: "So what's up with your eyebrow?"
Student: "My friends and I took a vote and they decided I should shave it off, so I did."

September 10, 2010

"My breath smells really bad, I think it is all of the smoke I have been breathing in"

September 9, 2010

Student: "I can't take my quiz today. I was storing my notebook on the floor in front of my locker and some kids decided to dump water all over it and it is soaked, I can't read anything on any of my papers."
Teacher: "Why were you storing your notebook on the floor"
Student: "It was quicker than having to open my locker."

September 8, 2010

Teacher: "Hey Tim please take out a piece of paper for the quiz"
Student: "Huh?"

September 7, 2010

Student: "I have sand in my hair"
Other Student: "Oh no, don't tell me you were on the big Island in Hawaii"
Student: No, I wasn't"
Other Student: "Good because Queen Palea would rain her wrath on you if you took anything from the island."

September 3, 2010

"Let the kid go pee, he really has to go. I can smell the pee all the way over here."

September 2, 2010

“Sacajawea was the first American, yea, I bet that is what you wanted us to say. She was”

September 1, 2010

“I am a model railroader. Sometimes I have to go to the store and buy, say, 10 model oak trees, 1/87th scale.”

August 31, 2010

Student: “Can I go throw this fly I just caught out the window or something?”
Teacher: “Is it alive?”
Student: “Yes, I just grabbed it and am holding it in my hand”
Teacher: “Dang, you’re pretty fast”
Student: yea I am, but can I go now, my nail is digging into my hand so the fly doesn’t escape.”

August 30, 2010

Student: “Can I go to the office to make a phone call”
Teacher: “Is this an emergency, or can it wait?”
Student: “Well I need to return a phone call from the animal control”
Teacher: “what happened?”
Student: We had a baby skunk stuck in a part of our house yesterday and I called Animal Control to help get it out and they never called me back until just now.”
Teacher: “What happened to the skunk?”
Student: “I took care of it myself”

August 27, 2010

“I like the name Robert because the spelling and pronunciation is retard proof”

August 26, 2010

"Well because you are married at one point in time someone found you attractive”

August 25, 2010

“High school Musical makes me want to nail my head to the floor”

August 24, 2010

“Do I have to count to five banana or anything like that before I go and hit the kid?”

August 23, 2010

“A Blue Whale- they can reach 180 decibels.”

response to the question in class: what is the loudest thing you can think of?

August 20, 2010

"Uh, no I would rather have a weed wacker cut my hair than you.”

August 19, 2010

"We tend to do things that we are federally mandated to do."

August 18, 2010

  “Um, was your birthday around Pearl Harbor?”