October 29, 2010

"I have to stand like this because my costume affects my being."

October 28, 2010

"When I went to Disneyland all I would have for breakfast was a churro and a Coke. It was awesome."

October 27, 2010

"This peanut brittle I made in Food class looks like solidified vomit."

October 26, 2010

Student: "When are Parent/Teacher Conferences?"
Teacher: "Tonight."
Student: "Really? I thought they were Thursday"
Teacher: "Conferences are both today and Thursday."
Student:"Great, there goes my day, now I am nervous."

October 25, 2010

"The second movie was actually good, it had decent actors and special effects, except not, because it was still a Hulk movie."

October 22, 2010

Teacher: "What are you doing?"
Student: "Eating frosting"
Teacher: "In class, with your fingers?"
Student: "I have to use my fingers because my spoon is in my locker."

October 21, 2010

Student: "Can you pop my back?"
Teacher: "No, I am not going to pop your back."
Student II: "I might be able to pop your back with my foot."

October 20, 2010

Teacher: "It says on your card that one of your major goals in life is to eat a 72 oz steak, is that true?"
Student: "Yes, someday I am going to go to this restaurant in Texas and order the 72 oz steak, baked potato, and salad and eat it in an hour or less and then it will be free."
Teacher: "That is a great goal"
Student: "Thanks"

October 19, 2010

Student: "Did you cut your hair recently?"
Teacher: "No"
Student:"Did you at least wash your hair?"

October 18, 2010

Teacher: "As part of our self assessment of our performance 1st quarter, I want to know how you have grown as a student since the beginning of the school year."
Student: " I am about an inch taller, I am, I really am."

October 15, 2010

"He just stuck his pencil up my nose. It was traumatizing."

October 14, 2010

Student: "Is that a Baul Rod on that poster?"
Teacher: "A what? I have no idea what you are talking about."
Student: "You haven't seen Lord of the Rings?"
Teacher: "No, I have not, I don't get out much."
Student: "What do you mean you don't get out much, you don't have to get out at all, all you need is a T.V. and a basement."

October 13, 2010

Student: "I think someone took a pee on the floor of the locker room, smell my jersey, it is disgusting, I can't wear it."
Teacher: "Are you sure that it is not sweat and general smell from not washing it?"
Student:"No way, it is way worse than sweat, my eyes are watering."

October 12, 2010

"I don't like using an umbrella or raincoat on days like today, all you need to do is wear a rubber on your head."

October 11, 2010

"Even though today is Columbus Day, we have to go to school and most Americans have to go to work today, except the 10% of people who are unemployed in our country, they get to celebrate Columbus Day."

October 8, 2010

"One time I netted 82 grasshoppers, boiled them, fried them, seasoned them and took them to the rodeo in Wyoming and sold them five for 25 cents."

October 7, 2010

Student: "Do you mind if I take my assignment home and crinkle it up, dip it in soy sauce, let it dry and then burn the edges? It will make it look and smell old and authentic."
Teacher: "Really, won't it just smell like soy sauce?"
Student: "No, it is old and authentic soy sauce."

October 6, 2010

Student: "Do you car-camp? Your answer to this question determines whether or not I like you."
Teacher: "Whoa, that's a high pressure question."
Student: "Well, do you or not?"

October 5, 2010

Student: "I have the stuff in my locker."
Teacher: "What stuff?"
Student: "Shhh, I don't want people to hear, I have the Nutty Bars, if you want one I will sell you one."

October 4, 2010

Teacher: "I wanted to warn you, there are a few scenes in the Jamestown video clip that are fairly graphic and unpleasant."
Student: "Oh no, if I have to watch someone get drawn and quartered again I will barf, seriously, I will, and then I will have to leave."