December 16, 2011

"It's a good thing I found my santa hat because by wearing it I just made things 20,000 times more Christmassy."

December 15, 2011

"Are you judging me because I am wearing sweatpants? I saw you look down at them. I am sorry I wore them."

December 14, 2011

"I didn’t shave half my eyebrow off, it was more like two-thirds."

December 13, 2011

"I like Call of Duty, hanging out at King Soopers, sleeping, Mountain Dew, and Monster Energy Drinks. That's about it."

December 12, 2011

"You missed it, bad. I went to the Guns 'N' Roses concert last weekend. Check it out, I still have the word "jungle" written across my chest and all of this smeared black stuff that is still on my neck if from where I wrote the word "child."

December 9, 2011

"You know a lot of police officers, what’s up with that?"

December 8, 2011

"I swear to Jesus that is the Jeopardy tune. I will keep singing it if I have to."

December 7, 2011

"I think Pearl Harbor happened in 1969, if not,I know that some big stuff happened in 1969."

December 6, 2011

"Dude, strangers have the best candy."

December 5, 2011

"I need to stand during class today because over the weekend I was sledding and I hurt my, well... lower parts."

December 2, 2011

Student: "Do you have any bad examples of the assignment you can show us?"
Teacher: "No, I don't think I do."
Student: "You will soon."

December 1, 2011

Student: “Can I go to the bathroom; I think I have a rash?”
Teacher: “Are you sure you don’t need to go to the Nurses Office?”
Student: “Yeah, I just need to go check it out and see if it has spread.”

November 30, 2011

"I am just going to make this clear: If you are going to work in our group there is going to be no copying or slacking."

November 29, 2011

“I don’t want to be stereotypical, but no guy would ever write a note that says, “your eyes are like the deep blue ocean” instead they would write, “dude, I think you are hot."

November 28, 2011

Student: "I got a huge article on my topic over break."
Teacher: "Did you read it?"
Student: "No, I just highlighted it."

November 18, 2011

"This is not an emergency yet, but I just wanted to give you a heads up. I almost stayed home from school today and if I have to run out of the room to go to the bathroom it is because it was an emergency."

November 17, 2011

"I was scared there for a second, I thought that Yellow #5 was made from pee from a man, then someone said it was horse piss and would shrink my penis. There is no way I am drinking this stuff anymore."

November 16, 2011

"I dread the day I become an adult and I find things like what to bring to a potluck funny, I would rather stay as old as I am now so I can think innappropriate jokes are funny."

November 15, 2011

"I got sent out of class becasue I was being a distraction because I was armpit farting and pointing my hand in a gun like manner acting like I was shooting something while farting."

November 14, 2011

"Don't touch my scab, what's the deal with your obsession with scabs?"

November 10, 2011

"You look pretty today, lots prettier than usual."

November 9, 2011

"ooooh, ahhhh, It hurts so bad, ahhhh, this huge pixie stick went in my mouth pipe and then up my nose pipe."

November 8, 2011

"I plan on researching the Zippo lighter for my project. It was revolutionary and led the way for all other lighters."

November 7, 2011

"I tried my hardest and got a D. I will continue to try my hardest next year in high school, but after that I can't make any promises."

November 4, 2011

"Thanks for telling me my fly was down, but hey, at least I was wearing underwear."

November 3, 2011

"I am going to participate in "No Shave November," which means I won't shave at all during the month of November, which is really only one time because I only shave once every two weeks."

November 2, 2011

"I am ashamed of the things I have done for a Klondike Bar."

November 1, 2011

"If I lock myself in the cage where we store the balls I get to miss class, but I don't want to stay in there overnight."

October 31, 2011

"It's not that I don't have the maturity to have a magnifying glass in class, it's just that I really wanted to see what it would do to my hand if I held it up to the sun and tried to burn my hand."

October 28, 2011

"If the bar is set high I probably won't be able to reach it, but I can always cross the line."

October 27, 2011

"I heard that because of cell phones and other technology you no longer only get one phone call if you get thrown in jail."

October 26, 2011

"The only reason I like potato salad is because you say "patatah salad." If you just said, "potato salad" it wouldn't be good at all."

October 25, 2011

I couldn't go on that trip, plus I thought to go on that trip you had to be a student with a bright future, you know, takes advanced classes."

October 24, 2011

"I got to ride in a police car this weekend. I was out at 10:30 PM and this cop pulled up and said, "hey, what are you kids doing?" Well it was a lady cop and she told us to get in so she could take us home. The seats in the car are made of plastic so they are easy to clean when drunk people throw up or pee their pants. The officer knew the officer that is at our school so it wasn't that bad."

October 21, 2011

"I know what you are trying to do, I opened my parents mail and read the letter, I know."

October 20, 2011

"No, it is not resolved. She will not even speak to me, I screwed up, I told someone who she liked and she said if I did that she would kill me, well she told me after I already told the person about who she liked that she would kill me. I don't know what to do, if I should lie to her, even though I did it, or if I should just tell her sorry."

October 19, 2011

Teacher: "Are you ready to go in the game?"
Student: "No, I am not ready mentally... or physically."

October 18, 2011

"If you re-arrange the letters in Stanford you can spell Sonfardt."

October 17, 2011

"Let's look up the word boob in the dictionary to see what it says."

October 13, 2011

Student: "I was going to write something innapropriate on my Salem Witch Trials project, but I didn't."
Teacher: "That's probably a good idea."
Student: "I was going to write, "scare away the witches and bring on the bitches" pretty clever isn't it?"

October 12, 2011

"I don't really know anything about Disturbed, I just wear the T-shirt because it is cool."

October 11, 2011

"We are going to do an interview with Betty White for our project. Isn't that the lady that sewed the first American Flag?"

October 10, 2011

"When I was in the locker room taking a crap the automatic lights turned off and I didn't know what to do so I sat there waving my arms."

October 7, 2011

"I have like read To Kill a Mockingbird five times. SparkNotes three times, watched the movie two times, and read the book one time."

October 6, 2011

"You probably can't spend the night, my mom says you are not allowed at our house because you are a bad influence."

October 5, 2011

"I have some hairspray in my locker, want me to tease your hair?"

October 4, 2011

"Yoga teachers. I would bet that the number one employer in Boulder is yoga teachers."

October 3, 2011

"I will not be at school today, I am so sick and very contagious. Really, I am so sick, I really want to be at school today, I am having to miss alot of things because I am so sick, like school today and a date over the weekend."

September 30, 2011

I never want to get married. Do you know how boring that would be to live with the same person for your whole life? I can barely take care of myself, much less someone else, and another someone else for 18 years. That's 18 years of my life wasted."

September 29, 2011

"I am so tired. I only got three hours of sleep last night. This is how it works: if you stay up late you are so much awesomer and cooler, but then you are tired and your eyes get all red. If you go to bed early you are lamer and not as cool but you are not as tired."

September 28, 2011

"The only thing I can come up with that starts with the letter "O" is ovaries and they don't really relate to Jamestown."

September 27, 2011

"I need to improve on listening. When you're talking sometimes I just zone out or on tests I don't listen so I fail."

September 26, 2011

"Yeah I dressed up today. I did it for picture re-takes. The problem is they were last week on Friday."

September 23, 2011

"What's the point of going out with her when I am probably moving in a year or something?"

September 22, 2011

"Even though he has millions of fans, Justin Bieber sucks because he looks like a girl, he cannot sing, and he has no talent. Also, he's Canadian."

September 21, 2011

"For the hearing and vision tests today I am going to lie and get them all wrong so they call my parents."

September 20, 2011

Student: "We shouldn't ever have homework, think about how humans evolved, back then there was no homework."
Teacher: "Back then there was not indoor plumbing either."
Student: "I would rather have to take a dump outside in a bush everyday than have homework."

September 19, 2011

"Over the weekend we got new sod and I had to shovel manure into a wheel barrow for 8 hours and then today, you know, we had to do bear crawls. My back is killing me, it just can't take it."

September 15, 2011

"Instead of reading the Outsiders I am reading the Insiders. It's not as mainstream."

September 14, 2011

"Everyone is laughing because I just farted real loud."

September 13, 2011

Teacher: "Did you watch the Broncos game last night?"
Student: "No, the Broncos suck balls."

September 12, 2011

"I would literally ride my bike an extra mile to buy local. Especially video games."

September 9, 2011

"I was in band class and because I just got braces I couldn't play my instrument so I drew all over myself. Look, here I drew a flag because of 9/11."

September 8, 2011

Student: "Do you know what I like? Legal loopholes. They make me feel like I have power."
Teacher: "Can you give me an example?"
Student: "I can't think of one."

September 7, 2011

"I got dared to shoot a pixie stick up my nose, and it went in my nose and slightly in my eye. It hurt so bad."

September 6, 2011

"I love Student Council because, like, I like how it like makes me feel. I mean I really don't help people, but like, Student Council helps people."

September 1, 2011

"I ran to the ball. I did what you said and I got 'powned."

August 31, 2011

"You know that ride, Journey to the Center of the Earth, yeah, I asked her out on that ride. We've been going out since June 26th. We are going on a date on Thursday. I am paying."

August 30, 2011

Student: "Is this a real fire or just a drill? I hope its real."
Teacher: "What do you mean, then all of your stuff would burn up."
Student: "I wouldn't care, I don't really have anything valuable in there, except for a pack of gum."

August 29, 2011

"Can I go to my locker and get some tape? I got frostbite all over my hands. It's a long story."

August 26, 2011

"Nixon resigned after water something. Water... I can't think of the name. They did the same thing to Anthony Weiner."

August 25, 2011

"I ate something really bad today in food class. Pretty sure it was moldy. I will probably throw up."

August 24, 2011

Teacher: "How are you feeling today?"
Student: "My neck, its sore as hell."

August 23, 2011

"I'm tired, but I am getting hyper 'cause I drank a Monster. I normally don't drink anything in the morning but today is a special occasion."

August 22, 2011

"I store a bunch of bags of Cheetos in my room and a bottle of wet wipes so I can wipe my fingers so I don't get everything in my room orange."

August 18, 2011

"I just pulled out my tooth. What should I do?"

August 17, 2011

Teacher: "Nice, drinking a coke and it's only 8:30 AM."
Student: "I didn't have time for breakfast. I had some bananas, and a coke. I thought it was nice."

August 16, 2011

Teacher: "Welcome to Advanced Social Studies."
Student: "Wait, this can't be advanced, more like average. I was on the brink of failing social studies last year in 7th grade."

May 26, 2011

"It was nice knowin' ya. Have a good summer."

May 25, 2011

"Middle School smells like desperation and puberty."

May 24, 2011

"What's with all the moving boxes, did you get sacked?"

May 23, 2011

"I wear a size 15 shoe. Suck it."

May 20, 2011

Student: "Are you worried about the end of the world tomorrow?"
Student II: "Tomorrow is the end of the world?"
Student: "That's what all the Tea Partyers are saying."

May 19, 2011

"P.S. I apologize for not studying for my test and simply wasting your time as a result. I am currently struggling with a procrastination problem and hope to have it under control by the start of high school."

May 18, 2011

Teacher: "Why did you get sent down to the office?"
Student: "I didn't do anything. She says I am too crazy and she can't trust me with golf clubs."

May 17, 2011

"Someone took my book on Saguaros, which drives me crazy because I am the only person in this school that cares about Saguaros."

May 16, 2011

"Gangrene killed my grandfather."

May 13, 2011

"Holy crap, that's alot of trojans. No, not condoms, it's a computer virus, a bad virus that can crash a computer."

May 12, 2011

"That's the same age as my brother, although he's irresponsible. He lost his house."

May 11, 2011

"I am lucky to be alive, I just went to the orthodontist and they basically put a hose clamp on my back molar and the epoxy they used has the same ingredient as poison, if you ingest that you are supposed to call poison control. They are also using a diamond blade spinning at 20,000 rotations per second on my teeth."

May 10, 2011

"What if I blow up and die because my bladder is too full?"

May 9, 2011

"My Mothers Day didn't go so good. I got grounded. Pretty much banished to my room."

May 6, 2011

"She's a little slutty, but I am nice to her. I am friends with a lot of slutty people."

May 5, 2011

Student: "What are we doing in class on Friday?"
Teacher: "Something exciting."
Student: "I am debating on whether or not I want to come to school because it's my birthday."

May 4, 2011

"Would you please stop? Your mouth breathing is annoying me."

May 3, 2011

Student: "We are flexing our muscles, seeing how flabby they are."
Student II: "If she has flabby muscles than I am the Pillsbury Dough Boy."

May 2, 2011

Teacher: What was the final battle of the Civil War? Hint: It begins with the letter "A"."
Student: "Gettysburg"

April 29, 2011

"Yes we still have racism today, I mean we have Fox News."

April 28, 2011

Teacher: "Why are you eating sugar out of a sugar packet right now during class?"
Student: "It was in my coat pocket and I wanted to eat it."

April 27, 2011

Teacher: "The governor of Colorado in the mid 1920s was a member of the KKK."
Student: "That doesn't surprise me at all, most of Eastern Colorado is full of a bunch of tea partyers."

Teacher: "The governor of Colorado in the mid 1920s was a member of the KKK."
Student: "Screw him."

April 26, 2011

"The highlight of my day? I ate a peep for the first time in my life."

April 25, 2011

"Today is the worst day ever. We had to watch a woman give birth on a video in health class."

April 22, 2011

"I don't think I can run any more, I might throw up, I ate Mexican food last night at Casa Bonita, the place with the cliff divers."

April 21, 2011

Student: "Today is Thursday right?"
Teacher: "Yes"
Student: "So, it's Thursday, right?"
Teacher: "Yes, are you just confirming the day of the week?"
Student: "Yes, I just wanted to make sure today was Thursday."

April 20, 2011

"Are you wearing a Civil War uniform because today is 4/20?"

April 19, 2011

Student: "Today is probably the first time I have studied for anything this year."
Teacher: "What was the occasion?"
Student: "I was really bored."

April 18, 2011

"My pencil is not sharp enough for my standards, can I go try and find an electric pencil sharpener?"

April 15, 2011

Teacher: "What's up?"
Student: "Awesome"

"I can feel my heartbeat in my neck/shoulder area, is that bad?"

April 14, 2011

"It's just your basic love letter."

April 13, 2011

"My girlfriend dumped me, I will probably never have another girlfriend again. I will probably die alone, and I suck at running the mile."

April 12, 2011

"So you are saying that you will give us an additional assignment if we are walking around the library saying that we are bored, what if the assignment that you give us is so dreadfully boring that we get more bored?"

April 11, 2011

"You could help me milk the goats."

April 8, 2011

Student: "Could I staple you?"
Teacher: "No"
Student: "Fine, I will staple myself."

April 7, 2011

"This project is harder than you think, especially if you are me and have a reputation to uphold."

April 6, 2011

"You know I have a disability right?"

"I burned my foot really really bad when I stepped on my hair straightener this morning."

April 5, 2011

"A certain teacher failed to yield to me while I was riding my ride across the street this morning. Should I press charges?"

April 4, 2011

"It's going to be so fun, we are going to run there, get all full, and then run back and throw up."

April 1, 2011

Teacher: "Question number 41 on the climate survey: would you invite someone sitting alone to join you and your friends?"
Student: "Could you give me a brief description of what this person looks like?"

March 31, 2011

"Yeah I play poker, I boughted my long board from winning $300 from playing poker."

March 30, 2011

"This is what happens when you don't wear sunscreen when you go skiing over Spring Break."

March 18, 2011

"You smell like wetsuit."

March 17, 2011

"If it is made out of plastic or fiberglass I could fix it, if not, I can't. I would melt it down with a blow torch and re-fasten the broken parts."

March 16, 2011

Teacher: "Why are you not in the talent show this year?"
Student: "Because I suck at talent."

March 15, 2011

"I can't believe that you even have that shirt in your closet."

March 14, 2011

"In May I am going to start drinking alcohol regularly, I mean I am going to start drinking alcohol regularly at communion at church."

March 11, 2011

"The "how to succeed in the 21st century" is the talk my dad gives me every time I get into the car."

March 10, 2011

Student: "Can I use your phone to call someone?"
Teacher: "Who are you going to call?"
Student: "I can't tell you. It's not like I am going to call in an air strike or something."

March 9, 2011

"I am not the kind of person that would get a tattoo on their neck, I am into computers and writing code."

March 8, 2011

"One time in art class I took acrylic paint and painted my entire arm and neck black. I also painted my stomach blue."

March 7, 2011

Student: "Someone just put a picture of a bunch of bras on my desk."
Student II: "What's the big deal, why are you freaking out? There is nothing even in the bras."

March 4, 2011

Teacher: "You need to bring in a magazine on Monday that you can cut up for a project."
Student: "Can we bring in any magazine? Like the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue?
Student II: "There is no way I would cut up that magazine."

March 3, 2011

"I haven't been a poet since third grade."

March 2, 2011

"Can I go to the bathroom? I have to do something about my bloody nose. Can't you see the blood all over my shirt?"

March 1, 2011

Teacher: "Why would you be qualified to go on a Lewis and Clark type expedition?"
Student: "I can speak four Native American languages. I can map almost anything. I am rich and I give to the poor. I can swim."

February 28, 2011

"I am probably the toughest girl here at school. The last time I cried from an injury was in fifth grade when I ran into a pole and almost got a concussion. Since that day I have not shed a tear from pain."

February 25, 2011

"I have mastered procrastination. I can successfully procrastinate until the last minute and then get my work turned in. Although, it has contributed to me getting horrible grades."

February 24, 2011

"Did the Midnight Appointments with John Adams and Thomas Jefferson have anything to do with prostitution?"

February 23, 2011

Student: "My teachers yell at me all the time, it's like they are on steroids or something."
Teacher: "Do you think that their yelling has anything to do with your behavior?"
Student: "Probably"

February 22, 2011

"I did the greaser look with my hair today. My neighbor, who also read The Outsiders dared me to, so I did it."

February 17, 2011

"I have never seen the word fallacies in my life, I have seen phallic,but I don't think that word relates to Lewis and Clark and what we are doing in class."

February 16, 2011

"Do I have to draw the entire body, or can I just draw the bust?"

February 15, 2011

"The candy hearts you get on Valentines Day that say stuff on them really creep me out. I mean one says "yes" on it, what are you saying "yes" to? That's weird."

February 14, 2011

"Every year for Valentines Day I buy myself a gift, that way if I don't get anything in the school Valentines Day exchange during 7th period it doesn't look so bad."

February 11, 2011

Student: "Is the movie we are watching today educational?"
Teacher: "No"
Student: "Yes"

February 10, 2011

"We like to work together, we just don't work very well together."

February 9, 2011

"Since you are wearing a bunch of flash drives around your neck as a necklace, I figured you would be able to help me format my DVD to the computer."

February 8, 2011

Teacher: "The office needs your social security number so you can get paid for working at the wrestling meet."
Student: "80305"
Teacher: "That's your zip code."

February 7, 2011

Teacher:"Get a haircut? Nice."
Student: "It's supposed to be a mohawk."

February 4, 2011

Student: "Can I go get a drink?"
Teacher: "Right now, in the middle of a test?"
Student: "Yea, I have something stuck in my throat."
Teacher: "Is that the best use of your time?"
Student: "What do you think I am going to run into some other class and ask for the answers, I will only be gone for like seven seconds."

February 3, 2011

"In 4th grade I wore a t-shirt to school that said, "please tell your boobs to stop looking at my eyes" to school and my teacher made me change my shirt and I didn't know why."

February 2, 2011

Snow Day Round II

February 1, 2011

Snow Day

January 31. 2011

"When I have to present in front of groups I get really nervous and pinch the, what's it called?. . . the extra skin on my knuckles."

January 28, 2011

"If I was a superhero I would be Wolverine because he wears his underwear on the inside like a normal person."

January 27, 2011

"It says that the career I would be best suited for is a parking lot attendant."

Student: "My agenda for tonight is as follows: watch my Thursday videos, work on homework, and then watch T.V."
Teacher: "What are Thursday videos?"
Student:"The Escapist, videos about video games, strategies, you know."

January 26, 2011

"I took the career survey today in class and it said I should be a gynecologist or a coroner. It says the gynecologist gets paid more, but as a boy I am not sure about that."

January 25, 2011

"The Speaker of the House, John Boehner, has a funny name."

January 24, 2011

"I am having trouble getting started today, it is also why I was late for school. I am on some new medication that is making me feel funny,it's kind of personal. Let's just say I have GI problems."

January 21, 2011

"I don't think the woman in the front office knows what the 2nd Amendment is. I asked her and she told me to ask you. Don't you think the people in the front office should know that they have the right to own a gun?"

January 20, 2011

"We are bad Girl Scouts, we don't help old people anymore, we barely even sell Girl Scout cookies. We do go on camp outs though."

January 19, 2011

"Will you take us to Blackhawk and let us stay at the Ameristar hotel this summer?"

January 18, 2011

"If I was graded for what I did over the weekend, I would get an F. I laid low all weekend."

January 14, 2011

"Jail isn't that bad compared to a penitentiary or prison."

"I find it disturbing when teachers, or any adult really wears sweat pants in public."

January 13. 2011

"I had to play Mario Brothers last night because my dad wouldn't allow me to play Call of Duty Black-Ops until 2 AM like I normally do."

January 12, 2011

Teacher: "Why are you reading 10 pages of nothing but the letter G printed on the entire page?"
Student: "My friend told me that somewhere in the 10 pages there is a Q instead of a G, so I am staring at it trying to find it. It helps me focus my brain."

January 11, 2011

"Why is it called a Dickie anyway? It makes no sense, why not just call it a sleeveless turtleneck? By the way, turtlenecks are stupid-- they are hot and make your neck feel constrained."

January 10, 2011

Teacher: "What is the purpose of insurance?"
Student: "To pay for your coffin when you die."

"I want to be a reverse Gold Digger for my entire life, marry a rich woman so I never have to work."

January 7, 2011

Teacher: "The theme for round four of the Geography Bee is continents."
Student: "Do you mean like world continents?"

January 6, 2011

"My friend who is a bit overweight bought a Ab X-Pro last summer to try and get abs, it didn't work."

January 5, 2011

"I would rather be in bed than back at school right now, heck, I'd rather have the flu."