December 16, 2011

"It's a good thing I found my santa hat because by wearing it I just made things 20,000 times more Christmassy."

December 15, 2011

"Are you judging me because I am wearing sweatpants? I saw you look down at them. I am sorry I wore them."

December 14, 2011

"I didn’t shave half my eyebrow off, it was more like two-thirds."

December 13, 2011

"I like Call of Duty, hanging out at King Soopers, sleeping, Mountain Dew, and Monster Energy Drinks. That's about it."

December 12, 2011

"You missed it, bad. I went to the Guns 'N' Roses concert last weekend. Check it out, I still have the word "jungle" written across my chest and all of this smeared black stuff that is still on my neck if from where I wrote the word "child."

December 9, 2011

"You know a lot of police officers, what’s up with that?"

December 8, 2011

"I swear to Jesus that is the Jeopardy tune. I will keep singing it if I have to."

December 7, 2011

"I think Pearl Harbor happened in 1969, if not,I know that some big stuff happened in 1969."

December 6, 2011

"Dude, strangers have the best candy."

December 5, 2011

"I need to stand during class today because over the weekend I was sledding and I hurt my, well... lower parts."

December 2, 2011

Student: "Do you have any bad examples of the assignment you can show us?"
Teacher: "No, I don't think I do."
Student: "You will soon."

December 1, 2011

Student: “Can I go to the bathroom; I think I have a rash?”
Teacher: “Are you sure you don’t need to go to the Nurses Office?”
Student: “Yeah, I just need to go check it out and see if it has spread.”