December 21, 2012

"Instead of going to the dance we went to the bathroom and pierced our ears."

December 20, 2012

"You say it would be fun, but would you have thought this was fun when you were our age?"

December 19, 2012

"It’s easy. Just Google that shit."

December 18, 2012

"Are you just saying my name so I confess to something? Well, I am not going to fall for that."

December 17, 2012

"I am feeling pretty calm today so I won’t be as disruptive as usual."

December 14, 2012

Student (girl): "Bye... I love you." Student (boy): "OK"

December 13, 2012

"Twenty seconds, that is about my attention span if you haven’t noticed."

December 12, 2012

"Do you know anyone on the East coast? Because we will live two hours longer than them because of the Apocalypse at 12:00 on 12/12/12."

December 11, 2012

"I am a wild stallion who don’t need no corral."

December 10, 2012

"Why are all my teachers so crazy?"

December 6, 2012

"If this were a dance studio instead of a classroom I wouldn't be so distracted."

December 5, 2012

"I just grabbed the nearest thing to me and put it on, I didn't try to wear all red."

December 4, 2012

"I actually got asked out over Facebook, and I was like... um... awkward."

December 3, 2012

"So England has free health care and awesome accents?"

November 30, 2012

"Some kid offered me money to have my locker because it's number sixty-nine."

November 29, 2012

"It's called a weenis, the skin flap thing on your elbow."

November 28, 2012

"If anyone has a peanut allergy and we have to call 911, I call it, I call making the call."

November 27, 2012

"I took two red playground balls to the face today during lunch."

November 26, 2012

"I slept until 1 PM everyday over break, but it's okay, I was playing Xbox until 5 AM so I actually got a full 8 hours of sleep."

November 16, 2012

"I think Obama should bail out Hostess, I need my Twinkies."

November 15, 2012

"I can't sit down, my pants are too tight."

November 14, 2012

"You have a favorite era of history? That is crazy, very historianish."

November 13, 2012

"Yeah, I have seen male dogs that pee like female dogs."

November 9, 2012

"I heard the project was really boring and you had to try really hard, but it's also fun."

November 8, 2012

"There is no way I am mature enough for that."

November 7, 2012

"Um, someone drew, I mean carved, a penis on my desk."

November 6, 2012

November 5, 2012

"You know, I prefer Wolfgang Puck soups over Progresso, it's just a matter of opinion."

November 2, 2012

"This website makes Romney sound like King George"

November 1, 2012

"With how much you are yelling, what are you sipping on, haterade?"

October 31, 2012

"He's wearing a pencil skirt, he's dressed as Snooki, the same as he was dressed up as last year only this year he has a baby with him."

October 30, 2012

"Yeah I have heard of Common Sense, not the one you are talking about by Thomas Paine, but the common sense my parents are always telling me I lack."

October 29, 2012

"What do you do if you are changing in the locker room and someone throws your shoe into the toilet?"

October 26, 2012

Teacher: "Can anyone tell me the name of the famous traitor during the American Revolution?" Student: "Arnold Palmer"

October 25, 2012

"Yes, I fell asleep in class, I drank a chai before class and it was like a warm sleeping bag in my belly."

October 24, 2012

"I will just eat it frozen, I don’t have time to thaw out this microwaveable pasta."

October 23, 2012

"They should allow hugging at this school, it would help with peoples self esteem. Also, medical research has proven that hugging is good for you. Look it up on the internet."

October 22, 2012

"I blocked my mom on Facebook and she grounded me."

October 19, 2012

"That’s a cannon. It is not what it looks like. For real, It’s a cannon."

October 18, 2012

Student: "Can I go wash my hands, I have someone's blood on them." Teacher: "Whose blood is on your hands?" Student: "Honestly, I have no idea."

October 17, 2012

"Which President killed Marilyn Monroe?"

October 16, 2012

"I saw a quote the other day that said ‘Facebook: ruining lives since 2004’ and I mean it’s true, it is so bad, even the guy that created Facebook hates it because his life is ruined because he is famous and he never wanted to be famous."

October 15, 2012

"It’s not my fault. If my parents didn't want me to hear bad language then they shouldn't have sent me to public school."

October 12, 2012

No School

October 11, 2012

"I only get $7 a week for allowance and that’s if I do my chores, which rarely happens."

October 10, 2012

"I studied my balls off for that test and I don't think it mattered."

October 9, 2012

"Here's my paper. I hope you fall in love with it."

October 8, 2012

"Last year, for fun, we bought adult diapers and then peed in our pants."

October 5, 2012

Student I: "Oh my gosh, I just saw his butt, well, his whitey tighties." Student II: "Yes, I probably should have thought about not standing up when I took off my warm-up pants and accidentally pulled down my shorts as well."

October 4, 2012

"Yeah, I watched the presidential debate last night. I watched it with my pet rat. My pet rat is a boss, he’s almost three years old and he is house trained and he hangs out in my basement."

October 3, 2012

"One time my braces hurt so bad I didn't eat for a week."

October 2, 2012

Student I: "Do hogs have udders?" Student II: "Um, no they have nipples, up to sixteen." Student I: "If they have more than two nipples it is considered an udder." Student II: "Uh, no I don’t think you are right."

October 1, 2012

"The point is they look like male boxers, I know you say they are shorts, but my underwear are longer than that."

September 28, 2012

"I think I can make this marker work again if I just keep licking it."

September 27, 2012

"It smells like McDonalds because I have two cheeseburgers and fries from McDonalds in my bag right now."

September 26, 2012

"In foods class today I completely failed. Instead of making a french omelet I made scrambled eggs."

September 25, 2012

"Yes, I am wearing my bike helmet all day today during school."

September 24, 2012

Teacher: “I see you have drawn a goatee and mustache on your face today.” Student: “No, puberty just hit me overnight.”

September 21, 2012

"Is there anything I need to do or work I can get because I won't be at school next week because I am going bear hunting."

September 20, 2012

Student I: "What does spurn mean?" Student II: "Oh my gosh, that word sounds so much like another word, I can't even believe that you would use that word."

September 19, 2012

"I heard you were giving my girlfriends trouble."

September 18, 2012

"These socks are actually a couple of days old, sometimes I forget to change them and I just sleep in them and wear them the next day."

September 17, 2012

"Are you familiar with the movies Jaws, Alien or Tron? Also, are you from the ‘70s?"

September 14, 2012

"holy f@&$ there is a bee under my shoulder pads stinging me."

September 13, 2012

"Even though bananas are a nutritious fruit packed with potassium, I refuse to eat them because they look funny and I hate the color yellow."

September 12, 2012

"That's what I do in school, watch two boys try to do 'science' by spinning around on two stools like idiots."

September 11, 2012

"I am trying to see if I can get my entire body into my sweats."

September 10, 2012

"I got invited to a birthday party and it is an ‘80s theme, how am I supposed to know what they wore in the ‘80s?"

September 7, 2012

Teacher: "Who is Uncle Sam?" Student: "Isn’t he the guy who invented rice?" Student II: "No, it’s the book Uncle Sam’s Cabin."

September 6, 2012

"Whenever my parents say, 'we need to chat' it is never a good thing and it usually leads to yelling."

September 5, 2012

"He just Vulcan death gripped my neck."

September 4, 2012

Student: "Can I go to the nurse after I finish my assignment? I don’t feel well." Teacher: "Are you sure you don’t need to go now?" Student: "Yeah I think I can... well I should probably just go now." Student II: "Does this have anything to do with you eating paper?" Student: "No, I have not done that since last week."

August 31, 2012

No School

August 30, 2012

"Name one good reason why this would help me later in life and you can take a point off."

August 29, 2012

"Yes, it's hot and I am wearing a beanie. I don't like my haircut."

August 28, 2012

"We should make bro tanks, you know, a tank top you make at home so it looks homemade. It's basically a dank tank top."

August 27, 2012

Teacher: "Are you eating paper?" Student: "Yeah" Teacher: "Are you swallowing it?" Student: "Um, yeah, at least I ate most of this sheet."

August 24, 2012

"My dad telling me history stuff I don’t care about finally paid off."

August 23, 2012

"I know you don't like food, but would you like to try my bacon flavored sunflower seeds?"

August 22, 2012

"My butt is sore because of football. I didn’t even know your butt could get sore."

August 21, 2012

"It's just a Federal Law. Do you think it would help that I am under 18?"

August 20, 2012

"Outside of school I do aerial circus, and yes, I got a concussion a few weeks ago."

August 17, 2012

"I had a routine of getting up at noon, and now I have to break that routine and I don't like it."

August 16, 2012

"I fell. Broke my finger and cracked my skull."

May 24, 2012

"I sure am going to miss this place next year, and I bet you really will miss me. Have a good summer."

May 23, 2012

"Due to the fact that I am a hardcore gamer, I will not actually do any more exercise than biking to get places and what I have to do in gym class, which is about an hour a day. I do not plan to gain any muscle, I do not plan to change my diet, and I do plan to do the same amount of nothing I usually do, which is a lot. I’m not going to lie to you, I am not going to exercise or workout because I just don’t care."

May 22, 2012

"This looks like a disaster waiting to happen." -- Students words before the final exam

May 21, 2012

"My workout would basically be my dad’s P90X workout, although instead I would jump on my trampoline and then I would run down to my basement and run on my treadmill."

May 18, 2012

"Weird and gross. That's all I have to say about the Time Magazine cover with the mom and her boob and her kid."

May 17, 2012

"I want to be a bronco rider when I get older, even though I don’t have any horse experience."

May 16, 2012

"Yes, I know I look bad, I am so tired, I snuck out to meet a girl the last two nights and...you’re not going to tell my parents are you?"

May 15, 2012

"For lunch today it says we are having chipotle chicken with an orange glaze, that actually makes it sound good and that is not true."

May 14, 2012

Student: "Yeah there is such thing as "school inappropriate" I have to have a super lid on my mouth so I don't get in trouble." Teacher: "What about outside of school, like when you have a job?" Student: "I'd work on an oil rig just so I could swear at work."

May 11, 2012

"What would happen if I stapled my face?"

May 10, 2012

"It was awesome. I totally creamed my time in the 100."

May 9, 2012

"I don't ever want to see you let someone else put their blood on your face again."

May 8, 2012

"Just wait ‘till you see the debt topple over, it’s like a game of Jenga. This place is going to hell. I am going to move to Canada, or maybe Aruba."

May 7, 2012

"I mean we dated for five months in 7th grade and she just told me she missed what we had."

May 4, 2012

"Today is the best Friday ever. First period we made cream puffs, second period was math and we had fun and did work, third period was a fiesta, fourth we just hung out and then I had lunch detention which wasn't that bad, and then fifth I had to go to the counselors, and now it's pretty cool and next period I might get back together with my old girlfriend."

May 3, 2012

"Teaching must be a pretty easy job, basically as a teacher you only have to know what you teach us, so you pretty much just need an 8th grade education."

May 2, 2012

"Is it possible to jump start a car with a defibrillator?"

May 1, 2012

"Where can I buy gasoline if I don’t have a car?"

April 30, 2012

"Can I move seats? The kid in front of me stinks really bad."

April 27, 2012

"I used to watch so many VHS movies at my grandma’s house and I didn't know how to work it."

April 26, 2012

"Everything is dangerous if you are stupid."

April 25, 2012

"No, I didn’t get sunburned, but I did burn myself with a lighter."

April 24, 2012

April 23, 2012

"It is an awful, awful place. It is hell on earth. There is just a big square with row after row of houses and no stores. It is like it is stuck in the 1950s. It is totally flat with no mountains. Horrible."

April 19, 2012

"This Che Guevara shirt is the most un-American thing I own."

April 18, 2012

"College and medical school could take more than 12 years? No way, that is so long, that is like wasting my little brother’s entire life."

April 17, 2012

"Because of this kid, my standard of jokes has elevated."

April 16, 2012

Student I: "Harriet Tubman was probably one of the most famous women during the Civil War era."
Student II: "Wasn't she also the woman who was deaf, blind, and mute?"
Student I: "Um, no, that was Helen Keller."

April 13, 2012

"I bet my lunch is way better than yours, I have two energy drinks and fried chicken."

April 12, 2012

"Can you buy Chloroform at the grocery store?"

April 11. 2012

"Can I please go to the bathroom and wash out my eye? I got Emergen-C in it and it is fizzing in my eye."

April 10, 2012

"I have never ever in my life read a book that was my decision. The only books I have partially read were because I was forced to."

April 9, 2012

"See, look, I can be smart in some aspects, see I just used the word aspects."

April 6, 2012

"I don’t know how to flirt."

April 5, 2012

"Have you ever been poop-dollared? It sucks."

April 4, 2012

Teacher: "How was your Spring Break?"
Student: "Good, my sister broke her nose, it was bad, plastic surgery, she gets her cast off today, we'll see how it worked out."

March 23, 2012

"Over Spring Break I will be writing code. I will be taking Vitamin D pills so I don't even have to go outside."

March 22, 2012

"Yeah I cut my own hair, and I think it worked out."

March 21, 2012

"I would totally expect that from her, she is a goody two shoes and does everything right."

March 20, 2012

"You are lucky, you had good T.V. in the ‘90s, not us, our T.V. sucks."

March 19, 2012

"Probably one of the coolest things you can do is put glue all over your hands and then let it dry and then peel it off."

March 16, 2012

"Mom,remember the project for school you thought I was behind on and you grounded me?, well it turns out I shouldn't have been grounded because I am actually like a month ahead."

March 15, 2012

"I don’t see why people hate on $2 bills."

March 14, 2012

"I mean I don’t know who should replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill if Jackson were replaced. I don’t know much about Presidents but I would probably say Al Gore would be a good choice."

March 13, 2012

"Seriously don’t bother me today, I am a hormonal bitch today."

March 12, 2012

"Um, I have this National Geographic magazine for the project and there is an entire section on Ethiopia and there are a bunch of pictures of people, you know, well, look at it, you’ll see."

March 9, 2012

"I will not be at school on Friday because I have pink eye in both of my eyes."

March 8, 2012

"Oliver North. That sneaky bastard."

March 7, 2012

"If there is one thing I won’t do, it is grow a crappy mustache, because the one thing I can’t stand is a bad mustache."

March 6, 2012

"Write our full legal name? What if I don’t know how to spell my middle name?"

March 5, 2012

"Did you hear that they killed over a million trees just to make the paper for CSAP tests?"

March 2, 2012

"She is taller and smarter than you, and today, she has better hair."

March 1, 2012

"Yeah we planned this, don’t you know that girls plan what they wear all the time?"

February 29, 2012

Student I: "I am going to work this quarter because it is practice for high school, plus, I bet a kid $100 that I would get a 3.0."
Student II : "A 3.0 is not that good."
Student I: "Have you done better?"

February 28, 2012

"So, Louisiana is basically french people and rednecks?"

February 27, 2012

"I hadn't even heard of Whitney Houston, and then all of a sudden she dies and her record sales go through the roof."

February 24, 2012

"Just saying, App designers are usually people with scraggly beards living in their parents basement."

February 23, 2012

"Why would you go and ruin your life by having a kid. You have to feed a living thing that lives at your house and that living thing does not contribute to anything."

February 22, 2012

"Innapropriate like bad language or nudity?"

February 21, 2012

No School

February 20, 2012

No school- Presidents Day

February 17, 2012

"Dude, don’t even go in the first stall in the bathroom, don’t even."

February 16, 2012

"Teachers usually make my life easier, it's principals who make it harder."

February 15, 2012

"An Anti-Federalist is a person who doesn't believe in federalizing laws and a Federalist is a person who believes in federalizing laws based on a certain topic."

February 14, 2012

"Dude, ask her face to face. Don't write her a note, that way she has to answer you right then. I mean you have nothing to lose."

February 13, 2012

"They say money doesn’t buy happiness, but money bought my Xbox and it makes me happy."

February 10, 2012

Teacher:"Today is a great day."

February 9, 2012

"Just because the President could nominate one of us for the Supreme Court why would he? I mean our frontal lobes are shot and we don’t have any common sense."

February 8, 2012

"Maybe if I didn’t get such a bad grade I’d be happier. Do you know how much crap I got for that at home? I got locked in my room and didn’t eat dinner."

February 7, 2012

"Can I go to the nurses office to get my ingrown toenail checked out? It hurts like hell."

February 6, 2012

"Think about the poor kids in the future that are going to have to study our generation, how boring, we are so lazy, all we do is sit around. I mean they will say ooooh they elected the first African American president and then sat around for 100 years."

February 3, 2012

Snow Day

February 2, 2012

"I am sorry, I am not your straight A student, I am more like your straight D student."

February 1, 2012

"What a ripoff. I can’t believe how cheap and lazy the people who take our pictures for sports are, I mean they made me hold a basketball in the cafeteria and then photo shopped me into a gym with a basket. How hard would it be to just go into the gym?"

January 31, 2012

"I know what that’s called, it’s called a cavity search. Oh wait, umm, never mind. I think a cavity search is when they are searching for a firearm?"

January 30, 2012

"What's the deal with VHS tapes? How do you work those things?"

January 27, 2012

"The cannon was an amazing siege weapon in the middle-ages. Due to its firepower, it brought about the downfall of the castle, and revolutionized the way we live. If It weren't for the cannon we would probably still be living in castles. We wouldn't have spread out to live in the rural way we do now. Overpopulation would be a large problem, and disease would run rampant."

January 26, 2012

"When I get really nervous I throw up. That's why I threw up four times today."

January 25, 2012

"Yeah I don't know what the awkward silence is you are talking about when you go on a date. Probably because I haven't gone out on a date."

January 24, 2012

"Because I am wearing my hair different I feel so much taller, I have more forehead showing so I think it gives me an extra 2"."

January 23, 2012

"Trust me, I have my crap together."

January 20, 2012

"What? What does "Whats the haps mean?" We don't say that anymore. They probably said that in the '80s. It's the same reason we don't say "peace" or "hella."

January 19, 2012

"I don't have to listen to her. I am smarter than her. I am in a higher math class, or wait, no I am not, but I could beat a girl in any type of race, except for swimming and pole vault."

January 18, 2012

"His grandfather was a Congressman for like 60 years, he can help us save the internet as we know it."

January 17, 2012

"Tebow can go suck it because the Broncos lost and the Patriots won because Brady threw six touchdowns."

January 13, 2012

"Tim Tebow is just like Ben Roethlisberger except for Tebow has Jesus."

January 12, 2012

"When my dad was in school he was acting as Thomas Jefferson in a play and had to kiss a girl, it was a real kiss because that is how they did it in the 1970s."

January 11, 2012

"Can I go to the nurse and call my Dad? My throat hurts so bad, so bad, it feels like it is bleeding, I need to go call him right now."

January 10, 2012

"What do you mean you can't remember the winning question from the Geography Bee? If I was the winner and deemed the smartest kid in my grade I would remember that for life."

January 9, 2012

"What do you mean you aren't afraid of the government, have you read the National Defense Act? They can accuse you of being a terrorist and lock you up for anything, I mean anything."

January 6, 2012

"I took new medicine for having ADD and it is screwing me up bad. I miss being hyper."

January 5, 2012

"I can't write what I did over break because it was all inappropriate. I am not even kidding. You don't have to call my mom, she already knows."

January 4, 2012

"My mom got all angry with me over break because I snuck into the movie The Girl With The Dragon Tatoo because I didn't want to pay. She threatened to tell my real dad and get me into trouble."