January 31, 2012

"I know what that’s called, it’s called a cavity search. Oh wait, umm, never mind. I think a cavity search is when they are searching for a firearm?"

January 30, 2012

"What's the deal with VHS tapes? How do you work those things?"

January 27, 2012

"The cannon was an amazing siege weapon in the middle-ages. Due to its firepower, it brought about the downfall of the castle, and revolutionized the way we live. If It weren't for the cannon we would probably still be living in castles. We wouldn't have spread out to live in the rural way we do now. Overpopulation would be a large problem, and disease would run rampant."

January 26, 2012

"When I get really nervous I throw up. That's why I threw up four times today."

January 25, 2012

"Yeah I don't know what the awkward silence is you are talking about when you go on a date. Probably because I haven't gone out on a date."

January 24, 2012

"Because I am wearing my hair different I feel so much taller, I have more forehead showing so I think it gives me an extra 2"."

January 23, 2012

"Trust me, I have my crap together."

January 20, 2012

"What? What does "Whats the haps mean?" We don't say that anymore. They probably said that in the '80s. It's the same reason we don't say "peace" or "hella."

January 19, 2012

"I don't have to listen to her. I am smarter than her. I am in a higher math class, or wait, no I am not, but I could beat a girl in any type of race, except for swimming and pole vault."

January 18, 2012

"His grandfather was a Congressman for like 60 years, he can help us save the internet as we know it."

January 17, 2012

"Tebow can go suck it because the Broncos lost and the Patriots won because Brady threw six touchdowns."

January 13, 2012

"Tim Tebow is just like Ben Roethlisberger except for Tebow has Jesus."

January 12, 2012

"When my dad was in school he was acting as Thomas Jefferson in a play and had to kiss a girl, it was a real kiss because that is how they did it in the 1970s."

January 11, 2012

"Can I go to the nurse and call my Dad? My throat hurts so bad, so bad, it feels like it is bleeding, I need to go call him right now."

January 10, 2012

"What do you mean you can't remember the winning question from the Geography Bee? If I was the winner and deemed the smartest kid in my grade I would remember that for life."

January 9, 2012

"What do you mean you aren't afraid of the government, have you read the National Defense Act? They can accuse you of being a terrorist and lock you up for anything, I mean anything."

January 6, 2012

"I took new medicine for having ADD and it is screwing me up bad. I miss being hyper."

January 5, 2012

"I can't write what I did over break because it was all inappropriate. I am not even kidding. You don't have to call my mom, she already knows."

January 4, 2012

"My mom got all angry with me over break because I snuck into the movie The Girl With The Dragon Tatoo because I didn't want to pay. She threatened to tell my real dad and get me into trouble."