December 20, 2013

"How is it that just because I don't turn in my homework I have such a bad grade?"

December 19, 2013

"I hate the school dance, it is the worst day of the entire school year. On the day of the dance in 6th grade I came to school and threw up 13 times."

December 18, 2013

"Why would I ever want to be a teacher when I grow up? Then I'd have to deal with kids like me and I'd hate that."

December 17, 2013

"The only reason I forgot my pencil was because I was so stressed about all of the missing work I have."

December 16, 2013

“I wonder how many people will laugh that today is day 69, I mean I used to be immature and would have laughed at that.”

December 13, 2013

"Is it true that if you hold your pee too long you will die?"

December 12, 2013

"I don't have life goals or anything like that, I just know I don't like school."

December 11, 2013

"My dad finally started making my sandwiches on white bread instead of that whole grain crap. I hate that stuff."

December 10, 2013

"Would you please tell David to wash his hair? He has dandruff everywhere."

October 31, 2013

"There is this kid that wears his football uniform every year for Halloween, I mean come on, come up with a real costume."

October 30, 2013

"You know the banana costume I wore in 6th grade for Halloween? I am going to wear the same thing this year only I am going to wear a Speedo on top of it and be a banana hammock."

October 29, 2013

"Can I go get my tea from my locker and heat it up?"

October 25, 2013

"Will we run so much we puke?"

October 24, 2013

"Could a woman vote in Colonial America if she got a sex change?"

October 23, 2013

"This is poop. I drew it."

October 22, 2013

"If Machiavelli said it was better to be feared than loved, no wonder my mom is so mean."

October 21, 2013

"I have developed a strong dislike for manual pencil sharpeners ever since I was in the office and they made me sharpen 300 pencils and I had blisters all over my hands."

October 18, 2013

"I thought I got a concussion, but then I realized I don’t know what a concussion is."

October 17, 2013

"You know that kid who we saw yesterday and thought he was a coach, the big, huge fat kid, yeah, he was not a coach, he is in 8th grade."

October 16, 2013

October 15, 2013

"Hey, at least we are getting more done than Congress, look on the bright side."

October 11, 2013

"What, I have a D-? No way. I am so screwed if my parents find out about this. If I actually work in class today will that help my grade?"

October 10, 2013

Student I: "We should vote with our heads down." Student II: "No we shouldn't, that's only for childish people who can't handle seeing it when their dumb idea gets shot down. I say we keep our heads up and vote."

October 9, 2013

"Topical, not like a lotion or something you put on your hands, but topical, like topic, trendy, has a theme."

October 8, 2013

"My dad helped my brother pull his head out of his ass, so he didn't have a choice."

October 7, 2013

"Sleeping during class is beneficial because you will be re-energized for your later classes instead of not gaining any knowledge because you are so tired."

October 4, 2013

"Our family doesn't stuff their turkeys, we keep them plain."

October 3, 2013

"I just realized I put my shirt on in-side-out. Can I go to the bathroom and fix it?"

October 2, 2013

"I still have a VHS, my grandma uses it. It sucks. It takes like two hours to rewind."

October 1, 2013

"The government is down, we can do whatever we want."

September 30, 2013

"It isn't my teeth that are keeping me from playing. I puked. I ate five of those Campbells soup things and then puked."

September 27, 2013

"How can she be twenty? There is no way, I thought she was fourteen. No way a twenty year old would like me."

September 26, 2013

"Could you have your mom send my mom an email inviting me to your birthday party?"

September 25, 2013

"I am not sure how I feel about playing football against a girl."

September 24, 2013

"I don’t know where anything is, except North Dakota, ‘cause that is where my grandfather was born. He got to drive a truck when he was like eight."

September 23, 2013

"Pocahontas was such a slut. I am sorry, but she was, in the second movie she was going out with one guy and then she starting making out with some other guy."

September 20, 2013

"Fun fact: I am ⅛ Cherokee, but I still suck at sports."

September 19, 2013

"I-da-ho, no you-da-ho."

September 18, 2013

"I have to run and pick up my school pictures fast, so no one else sees them. I bet they are horrible."

September 11, 2013

"Um, could you buy gluten free donuts next time? 'Cause my friend is gluten free."

January 10, 2013

"Yeah, I ate a Slim Jim for lunch. Very healthy."

September 9, 2013

"If there was no Constitution we would just be bums sitting by the side of the road, if there even was a road, which there probably wouldn't be."

September 6, 2013

"Have you ever heard of a book check? It's where you knock someones' books out of their hands and they fall all over the ground."

September 5, 2013

"He was eating crayons and sticking them up his nose, I just thought you should know."

September 4, 2013

"Is it just me or did anyone else see that kid take out a back scratcher from his backpack and scratch his back?"

September 3, 2013

"My sister was in a mosh pit once, she said it was really scary, especially when she was thrown in the air."

August 30, 2013

"When I got home last night the police were at my house. Apparently I forgot to call my mom and tell her where I was after school and after four hours she got worried."

August 29, 2013

"Once when I was little my dad picked up two hitchhikers and when I woke up there were these two random guys in the car and it scarred me for life."

August 28, 2013

"My dad says I have to wear one of those neck things if I want to play football, he really really does not want me to break my neck, get paralyzed and die."

August 27, 2013

"I bet you are older because you have a five o'clock shadow and it is only 10:00 AM."

August 26, 2013

"Columbus sailed the ocean blue in eighteen something right? Or was it seventeen something?"

August 23, 2013

"I heard the dress code got tighter this year, well not tighter, but stricter, that's just what I heard."

August 22, 2013

"I wish there were more people like me at this school, people that actually do stuff."

May 22, 2013

"Wouldn't you rather have a Hooters calendar in your room than this calendar of mountains?"

May 21, 2013

"I won't lie to you. I will just be sneaky."

May 20, 2013

Student I: "What does ostracize mean?" Student II: "It is the violent process of turning someone into an ostrich."

May 17, 2013

"The plot was pretty slow to develop and I have ADD so that didn't help."

May 16, 2013

"Imagine being a teacher and the tedious monotony knowing you will have to teach the same annoying kids for an entire year."

May 15, 2013

"I would rather go on a roller coaster and throw up on every ride than be in school today."

May 14, 2013

May 13, 2013

"I didn't ask her for permission, I just asked if it would be OK if I forged her signature."

May 10, 2013

"I'm just saying, he works at an amusement park, he might not have the best judgment."

May 9, 2013

Teacher: "During the Civil War, most soldiers died of what?" Student: "Death"

May 8, 2013

"I have never met a stupid old person, racist maybe, but never stupid."

May 7, 2013

"He had to go home, he's sick. He decided to chug a two liter bottle of soda in 20 seconds."

May 6, 2013

"Do I have to write a script before I record my information or can I just free-ball it?"

May 3, 2013

"I ate five churros last period during the Cinco de Mayo fiesta and I might barf."

May 2, 2013

"I would rather say a really bad word in class right now and be sent to the office than have to present today."

May 1, 2013

"Have you ever had a Nut Roll? They are the best turd you will ever eat."

April 30, 2013

Student: "I have been trying to go out with her since the beginning of the year." Teacher: "Why don’t you just ask her out?" Student: "Because she is popular and [pause] hot."

April 29, 2013

"I need to present today, I am so nervous and when I have to present. I can’t play baseball when I am nervous and I have a game today. I will throw up. In fact, I will make myself throw up, right by your desk, a burrito with guacamole, that crappy guacamole that comes in a bag if you don’t let me present today."

April 26, 2013

"Only one minute to go to the bathroom? Impossible. Hey, how many people in here can poop in one minute or less?"

April 25, 2013

"She used gum to make the gauze stick on her knee so it wouldn't fall off after she cut her knee."

April 24, 2013

"Wasn't Will Smith a famous abolitionist?"

April 23, 2013

"Check out my Walkman, it has two places to connect headphones and I can wear it on my belt and listen to music and the principal can't make me stop because the rule says no ipods. Sucker."

April 22, 2013

Student: "I hate health class. I absolutely hate health class." Teacher: "Why?" Student: "Because when I get embarrassed I get super hot and turn really red." Teacher: "What was so embarrassing?" Student II: "Whenever anyone talks about genital herpes it's embarrassing."

April 18, 2013

"I spent most of my time in class today cutting a window into the front of my binder."

April 17, 2013

"Do judges wear clothes under their black robes?"

April 16, 2013

"I think it's funny that at track we have to wear track uniforms that if we wore them to school we'd get expelled."

April 15, 2013

"The state of Wyoming is like the Costco of Fireworks. I mean Pyro-world, it is the best."

April 12, 2013

"Some people have such high expectations of themselves they are constantly stressed out and disappointed. Not me, I have such low expectations of myself I am rarely disappointed."

April 11, 2013

April 10, 2013

"They live in the country. Like country, country, like country roads take me home country."

April 9, 2013

"Can I go in the hall now, a preemptive strike if you will, so I don’t get sent out there later?"

April 8, 2013

"Maybe if she moved to Sudan for the rest of her life I'd like her."

April 5, 2013

"I put a crawdad on my nipple once."

April 4, 2013

"Should I wear a fedora tomorrow? I have some pretty sweet fedoras."

April 2, 2012

"Firstly, Andrew Jackson lead the country with a strong rule. He made sure that America wasn’t spiraling out of control while he was serving his term of pregnancy."

March 22, 2013

"During locker clean-out I found some grapes that turned into raisins."

March 21, 2013

"I don’t owe my parents any money. It wasn't my decision to be born."

March 20, 2013

Found this written on the board this AM.

March 19, 2013

"I bet it was because he listens to rap music. That’s why he lied to you."

March 18, 2013

Student I: "Who thought it was a good idea to carve the faces of presidents into the side of a mountain?" Student II: "I don't know, but it's the only thing South Dakota is good for."

March 15, 2013

"He has good collarbones, V-neck T-shirts are good for him."

March 14, 2013

"You have no idea what I have to endure. I have to endure sitting in a desk my entire life, wasting it away at school. I know that it won't get any better as I have 4-5 years of high school ahead of me and then college, and then probably grad school where I will have to write a thesis that will take like seven years, and for what? So I can study engineering and then sit at a desk designing airplanes until I am 60 years old and I retire. You can't do crap when you are 60 years old. What's the point? This sucks."

March 13, 2013

March 12, 2013

"If my goldfish died I’d probably make it into some sort of ceviche or part of a seafood gumbo."

March 11, 2013

"I would bet that all presidents have gotten into a bare fisted fight at one point or another."

March 8, 2013

"It's hard to beat a Little Debbie."

March 7, 2013

"School is like prison, they make you be here. Actually, prison is probably better, they have TVs in their rooms, free food, and you get to go outside."

March 6, 2013

"We heard that there were some people spreading rumors about us. Us, like all of us."

March 5, 2013

"It’s not my fault, I can’t help it, I have to talk to her."

March 4, 2013

"Who wants to throw snowballs at a brick wall? We want to throw snowballs at each other."

March 1, 2013

"Seriously. I am not trying to BS you."

February 28, 2013

Student I: "I don’t like your attitude." Student II: "I don’t like your face."

February 27, 2013

"Stop talking about crossbows."

February 26, 2013

"If you know that I am lying, does it still count as lying?"

February 25, 2013

"Do you know what a bunghole is? I Googled it and they are the holes on the sides of boats that let the water out."

February 22, 2013

"My mom never stops talking about taxes, I think I might just be a hermit and move to the mountains and avoid that stuff."

February 21, 2013

"Why is calling someone's mama fat an insult if their mama really is fat?"

February 20, 2013

Teacher: "You already learned this last week, what happened?" Student: "Four-day weekend."

February 19, 2013

"You know when you go to the bagel store and they have day old bagels that are hard and nasty, but when you go to the grocery store they have bagels that are good for more than a week, that doesn't make sense."

February 14, 2013

"Nothing says "I love you" like a cheap fake rose."

February 13, 2013

"There is something that looks oddly like a condom on the floor over there."

February 12, 2013

"He didn't even ask her out, he got his friend to ask her out for him."

February 11, 2013

Student: "I am freaking out." Teacher: "Why?" Student: "I always freak out."

February 8, 2013

"Do you ever get to the point where you just totally zone out? I get that way after 10 minutes of math class."

February 7, 2013

"My project is freaking amazing, except I am not finished with it yet."

February 6, 2013

"I am so stressed and you have no idea how late I stayed up last night, 11:00, I stayed up 'till 11:00 PM."

February 5, 2013

"It's this game where you pull on each others fingers really hard, I time them, and then you let go and it hurts really bad."

February 4, 2013

"It's not a phone, it's a calculator. I was just making you think it was a phone by holding it up to my ear and talking into it."

February 1, 2013

"I wrote my test in cursive so it looked more authentic."

January 31, 2013

"She used to not be mean, and then I told her to go screw herself and now she is really mean."

January 30, 2013

"If you go somewhere where it says “no shirt, no shoes, no service” can you not wear pants and still get service?"

January 29, 2013

"Freedom of speech, yeah right, you made me put tape on my shirt covering up the A word."

January 28, 2013

"Technically it is not a Pop tart, it’s the Kroger version of a Pop tart."

January 25, 2013

"My mom thinks you are a weirdo."

January 24, 2013

"You know that stapler in the copy room, the automatic one? I love that thing, absolutely love it."

January 23, 2013

"If you were African American and a hermaphrodite in 1870 could you vote?"

January 22, 2013

"So should I be freaked out right now?"

January 18, 2013

"Can you spray paint good? ‘Cause we need someone who can spray paint."

January 17, 2013

"Normally I would be freaked out about about getting a note from the office but I think I know what this is about so I am OK."

January 16, 2013

"The Founding Fathers seriously wrote the entire Constitution by hand? They must have had no life."

January 15, 2013

"I didn't say the Pledge of Allegiance today, sometimes I am unfaithful to our nation."

January 14, 2013

"What's with all this talk about boys always making bad decisions, you don't see the TV show Sixteen and Pregnant with boys getting pregnant."

January 11, 2013

"Cotillion sucked, all I learned was how to fancy dance and be bored."

January 10, 2013

"What is crazy is that I finished ahead of a kid who has a bright future, while my future is pretty gloomy."

January 9, 2012

"She’s that short, skinny girl that never eats."

January 8, 2013

"We went there over break because my grandpa is obsessed with killing animals."