August 26, 2014

"She just won't stop staring at me."

August 25, 2014

"I got to watch Guardians of the Galaxy this weekend. The inappropriate version. I heard the F-bomb like 13 times."

May 29, 2014

"The answer to this question is self-explanatory."

May 28, 2014

"If you melt down 500 pennies you will get over $1000 worth of metal."

May 27, 2014

"I had to go #2 at school. That never happens. I try to plan for this and always go before school and then again after school."

May 23, 2014

Student: "Don't yell at me." Teacher: "I am not yelling at you." Student: "Ok, fine, don't whisper yell at me."

May 22, 2014

"My cat barfed on my assignment."

May 21, 2014

Teacher: "What is the term for someone who moved from the North to the South after the Civil War to make money?" Student: "Asshole?"

May 20, 2014

May 14, 2014

"My dad has a side mullet. He always grows it out and then cuts it while on vacation and then grows it out again."

May 13, 2014

"Can you please move him, he is so, so annoying."

May 12, 2014

"Are we going to do anything today in class that will be entertaining?"

May 9, 2014

Student: "He was being an um... meany-poo, so I punched him and pushed him down." Teacher: "A meany-poo?" Student: "Well I'd say asshole, but I don't want to get in trouble again."

May 8, 2014

Student: "What did I miss, I was gone tomorrow." Teacher: "huh"

May 7, 2014

"You should never be locker partners with someone you are dating."

May 6, 2014

"I was just doing a hip thrust because I was imitating this kid yesterday at our baseball game who was doing it."

May 5, 2014

"I've forged my parents signature before. It's not hard."

May 2, 2014

"Can we leave class for a few minutes to deal with girl issues?"

May 1, 2014

"I have lunch detention for a week thanks to you."

April 30, 2014

"We don’t want her in our group because when she is in our group our grade usually goes down, but we don’t want to say anything to her because if we do then there will be drama."

April 29, 2014

"For breakfast I ate chocolate cheerios and then now in class I am eating a few of these small Snicker bars."

April 28, 2014

"She pretty much likes every boy in the school."

April 25, 2014

"The Dred Scott case was a case of a white man and a black man. It was a very big deal."

April 24, 2014

"If a pregnant woman ate tons of chocolate, would it...you know... change her milk?"

April 23, 2014

"What's wrong with it? Did you lick it or something?"

April 22, 2014

"Yeah I brought my stuff, it's all up here. In my head."

April 17, 2014

"I am going to the doctor to get a headphone removed from the inside of my ear. It's stuck and I can't see it but I feel it."

April 16, 2014

"Will you watch my pretzels so no one steals them?"

April 15, 2014

"Want to see a picture of a replica mine shaft I dug in my backyard? Four feet wide and almost 10 feet deep."

April 14, 2014

"Want to see a video I took of a squirrel trapped in my garage?"

April 11, 2014

"Yeah I shaved. I had a few blond whiskers as a mustache so I shaved them off."

April 10, 2014

"Yeah, I was cutting my hair in class. Have you seen how many split ends I have?"

April 9, 2014

"I am not in the talent show because the only talent I have is sitting in a chair and playing Call of Duty. And I suppose I could also draw on my friends face."

April 8, 2014

"I brought a Monster energy drink, Oreos and Swedish fish for lunch today."

April 7, 2014

"She's an abolitionist and a Gold Digger. Just like Kim Kardashian."

April 4, 2014

"If you are dating someone and you buy a cat together it seals the deal and you are never getting out of it."

April 3, 2014

Student I: "If they were to remove Andrew Jackson from the $20 bill they should replace him with Selena Gomez." Student II: "I second that."

April 2, 2012

"C’mon, don’t whine about a commercial that is on during a TV show that you get to watch in a school that you go to for free."

April 1, 2014

"Yeah, my dad watches those home buying shoes. What is it with grown men watching a show where people buy a house?"

March 31, 2014

"I can't exactly define destiny but I knew a girl once who was named Destiny. She was also super stylish."

March 21, 2014

"If George Washington married a woman and became rich I should do the same. Maybe marry Kate Upton."

March 20, 2014

"Yeah, I knew a kid once who slept in their clothes."

March 19, 2014

"I love being sick. You get to stay home from school. Except I hate it when I am so sick I can’t eat."

March 18, 2014

"What was the name of that guy who lived at Monticello?"

March 17, 2014

"Sheep's milk is the only kind of milk you can drink straight from the animal."

March 14, 2014

Student: "I only listen to bad music." Teacher: "Why do you listen to bad music?" Student: "Bad, like not good, bad words, not actually bad."

March 12, 2014

"No, I wasn't raising my hand I was just rubbing my head."

March 11, 2014

"Nebraska is not that fun of a state. They have corn and one good restaurant."

March 7, 2014

Student I: I need to find someone to give my guinea pig to." Student II: "Um, I think I want a guinea pig." Student I: "Ask your parents." Student II: "What kind of guinea pig is it?" Student I: "Uh, a guinea, guinea pig."

March 6, 2014

"Thomas Jefferson could really pull off wearing tights."

March 5, 2014

"That's pretty gross that the dog on the Lewis and Clark expedition was named Seaman."

February 28, 2014

"This assignment is really lowering my self-esteem."

February 25, 2014

"Guess what? My mom is my frickin' sub in one of my classes."

February 24, 2014

Teacher: "Please don't sit like that, with your feet up on your desk. It looks like you are giving birth." Student:"Maybe I am. To knowledge."

February 21, 2014

"Should I plan for my essay or should I take a nap?"

February 20, 2014

"Even the figure skating short program is too long."

February 19, 2014

"I was trying to write my name in blood on the top of the paper."

February 18, 2014

"Did he just eat that piece of paper?"

February 13, 2014

Student I: "I found a note." Student II: "Is it lovey?" Student I: "Um, no."

February 12, 2014

"My goal is to have teachers just recognize the scribble on my paper as my name."

February 11, 2014

"Is it bad to have acid reflux when you are this young?"

February 10, 2014

"I really want bangs, but maybe I don't."

February 7, 2014

"It is so hot in here I think I might get a heatstroke."

February 6, 2014

"I really wish pluto was still a planet. It has it's own atmosphere and many other characteristics of planets."

February 5, 2014

"Did you really just say spelt?"

February 4, 2014

"The career survey we took said that I should be a barista when I am older. Great."

February 3, 2014

"I don't know how my guinea pig died. I was holding him and then my sister grabbed me so I squeezed is neck and then he died, I think I accidentally snapped his neck."

January 30, 2014

"Do you ever think that Jackie Kennedy looks like Michael Jackson? A little bit, just a little bit?"

January 29, 2014

"They have Philly cheese steaks today for lunch, frankly, I have been to Philadelphia and have had the real thing. So no way am I eating that at school."

January 28, 2014

Student: "Do you know what this is?" Teacher: "No" Student: "It is a ball of rolled up eraser shavings. Do you want to feel it?" Teacher: "No"

January 27, 2014

"Who do we talk to if we think we did really really bad on the project?"

January 24, 2014

"Do I have to shake their hands? What if my hands get so sweaty and it's wet?"

January 23, 2014

"I chose this topic because I am pretty close to being a Communist."

January 22, 2014

"Middle School relationships are awkward and usually last 2-3 weeks."

January 21, 2014

"Why is it that our entire school smells like orange chicken?"

January 17, 2014

"What do you know about the most dangerous insects in the world?"

January 16, 2014

"I don't normally wear a dress shirt and a sweater vest to school, it's the only clothes I had that were clean, seriously, the only clean thing."

January 15, 2014

"Is it illegal to burn money? I have a magic trick I want to try."

January 14, 2014

"Isn't it called inflammation when money isn't worth anything?"

January 13, 2014

"Can I sit in the hall and eat during class?"

January 10, 2014

"Sometimes I just make bad decisions. It's probably because I hang out with high school kids."

January 9, 2014

"If Taylor Swift and I were dating we wouldn't break up so then she couldn't write a break up song about me."

January 8, 2014

Teacher: "Are you working?" Student: "It depends on your definition of working?"

January 7, 2014

"You actually read a book over break?"