March 31, 2014

"I can't exactly define destiny but I knew a girl once who was named Destiny. She was also super stylish."

March 21, 2014

"If George Washington married a woman and became rich I should do the same. Maybe marry Kate Upton."

March 20, 2014

"Yeah, I knew a kid once who slept in their clothes."

March 19, 2014

"I love being sick. You get to stay home from school. Except I hate it when I am so sick I can’t eat."

March 18, 2014

"What was the name of that guy who lived at Monticello?"

March 17, 2014

"Sheep's milk is the only kind of milk you can drink straight from the animal."

March 14, 2014

Student: "I only listen to bad music." Teacher: "Why do you listen to bad music?" Student: "Bad, like not good, bad words, not actually bad."

March 12, 2014

"No, I wasn't raising my hand I was just rubbing my head."

March 11, 2014

"Nebraska is not that fun of a state. They have corn and one good restaurant."

March 7, 2014

Student I: I need to find someone to give my guinea pig to." Student II: "Um, I think I want a guinea pig." Student I: "Ask your parents." Student II: "What kind of guinea pig is it?" Student I: "Uh, a guinea, guinea pig."

March 6, 2014

"Thomas Jefferson could really pull off wearing tights."

March 5, 2014

"That's pretty gross that the dog on the Lewis and Clark expedition was named Seaman."